Ah yes, family and friends. What would we do without them? They're the people you call when you need support, advice, or when something totally craaazy happens on your favorite show, and they do the same with you. However, have you ever had a family member or friend offer up their unsolicited opinion at a very inopportune time? I'm guessing that might as well be a rhetorical question.
Yeah, it happens to everybody. You're on the phone with Aunt Velma comparing how much snow each of your towns got in the last Nor'easter. Then, somewhere between "It took the plows all night to clean up the roads" and "Did you hear about the next post-April-1st-colossal-snow-dumping we're supposed to get?" she slips in a little "By the way, I just read an article in BestAdviceForYouAndYourBadDecisionMakingSkills Magazine that said August is the worst month to look for an apartment and that job growth is expected to decrease right up until then. Isn't that when you were going to try to move?"
What do they expect you to say? "Hmm well I guess I'd better put my life on hold if that's what BestAdviceForYouAndYourBadDecisionMakingSkills is saying." Or maybe they really want you to say something like "Wow, I guess I really need you to help me run my life. I'd better never try to become an adult on my own." I feel like that second one is more like it for a lot of us twenty-somethings.
Now, I'm not saying that I think family members shouldn't be able to offer advice or voice their opinions. However, I do think that the advice-giving gets a little more forceful and unsolicited during times of transition, like a job search, and often isn't meant as legitimate, loving advice...but borders more on scare-tactics and the exaggeration of one's opinion. That said, here's my unsolicited and oversimplified advice for anyone in such a predicament:
1. Advice is only good if you can use it.
That means "I think you shouldn't move" does not qualify as advice. Advice should be something that helps you toward your goal. It shouldn't scare you away from it.
2. Even if advice may be useful and comes from a credible source, if it doesn't work for you it's no good.
I'll illustrate this one with a personal experience. I can't count how many times my husband has been told by someone to buy a planner and write down important dates. He comes across as a little bohemian and flighty, and there are a lot of people out there who think he needs fixing. However, he's tried this before and every time he forgets to write things down, doesn't have his planner with him when he needs it, or writes something down and then doesn't look at his planner again until after the date has passed. Needless to say, although the planner system does work for a lot of people, it just wastes time and energy for the hubby. I'm sure you can find many parallels in your own life.
3. You don't have to agree with 'em just because you love 'em.
This one is my weakness. I never want to insult anyone by completely disregarding their advice, even if it is given with less than honorable intentions. I usually play the smile-and-nod card and then just try not to bring the issue up again and hopefully they'll forget what they suggested and not follow-up. I know, I know, I'm so fearless and wise ;-).
I know a lot of my readers' families and friends, and I know that a lot of you are surrounded by fantastic people. But even the fantasticest of the fantastic can step on toes and hold you back at times. Especially when you're going through a change that might effect your relationship with the person in question. Then things get messy...
Comments? Additional unsolicited advice? Put 'em below! And don't forget to share with a friend!
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