My love affair with productive procrastination.

I'm going to be blunt. Today I'm having one of those days where all I want to do is run and hide from my responsibilities. I think I have a cycle. It goes a little something like this:

1. I start at normal. My days are filled mostly with work-type stuff (actual work, chores, etc.) but nicely balanced with some fun--perhaps an episode of Glee at the end of the day, some hubby time or a conversation with a friend. These are good days.

2. I realize normal aint gettin schtuff done and haul it. I raise my expectations of myself. These are the days I get up, clean the entire apartment, go to work, come home, produce like 3 freelance articles and sass just about everyone I encounter because I'm so "stressed."

3. I crack. This step usually involves a very loving chiding from hubby to the tune of, "You're crazy. Stop it. Go to sleep." I realize he's right and lay in bed with cookie dough ice cream.

4. I languish in my relaxation and avoid things I don't absolutely have to do. If anyone has ever Facebooked me and waited about a week for a response, step 4 is the culprit. I unplug and do whatever the heck I want, and eventually go kicking and screaming back into normalcy.

I'm hard core "step 4-ing it" right now. I don't even want to check my email. Today I went to such lengths as donning my bathing suit for a waterfall hike with hubby, going to 3 grocery stores so I could get the supplies for vegan mac and cheese (and we're not even vegan...or vegetarian for that matter), and suddenly deciding I needed to learn how to curl my hair with a flat iron, all to avoid a few simple tasks I needed to get done around the house...aaand some stuff having to do with that whole moving and finding a new job thing...aaand some freelance writing stuff...let's just say the list might be on the long-ish side. There's also a sink full of dishes glaring at me from the kitchen, and an overflowing hamper of laundry juuust making the corner of my peripheral vision as I type this. That's what hubby's for, right? Kidding. Kind of. 


I will say this: I am definitely a productive procrastinator. I hiked, grocery shopped, cooked and got glamorous today. Not too shabby.

Anyway, while wasting yet more time on the internet, I found an interesting little thing in the NPR archives...perhaps my testosterone levels are to blame for my lack of drive? Maybe this cycle coincides with another..ahem...cycle? Anyway, we're quickly merging on to the TMI highway. I'll spare you. If you're interested in reading about testosterone, initiative and consequential career choices clickity-clack that link. Here it is again in case you're too lazy to scroll (it's all part of step 4...don't be ashamed).

Have a great night!

That grad school thing

So with all the wonderful free time I've had so far on my first day off in a long time I've been doing a little thinking. The hubby and I have a kind of "deal" that we're going to take turns going to college as long as we both want to. Hubby's gonna nail the undergrad stuff...and then, if I so desire, it'll be my turn to do some grad school. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I really would love to get my master's, or even a doctorate...I'm just not sure what I'd get it in. I've thought about some general literature geek things, perhaps marketing, journalism, creative writing...documentary making (it exists)?  There are A LOT of things I'd be happy to study, being a bona fide nerd. However, I want to study something that actually gets me closer to a goal and, ya know, can pay off the debt I'll inevitably acquire during the process. 

And then while it would be tons of fun to go back to school and be in that academic environment again, if I could work, make enough money and be happy with my employment situation, I'm not sure that I'd do the school thing...at least not right now. I want to be sure I'm doing it for the right reasons, ya know? 

This is what I'm afraid of.

Suggestions? Comments? Don't forget to share with a friend, and have a happy Monday!

Thank god for tomorrow.

Okay, so I've survived the phone interview. Phew. There was only one person on the other end and she was very nice--I feel like I accurately represented myself, so we'll see what happens. Even if I don't get the job, it's nice to know that phone interviews aren't actually as scary as my over active imagination makes them out to be.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase. Tomorrow is my first day off in 21 days. Holy crap, I'm so excited. I know some people who can work non-stop, no problem. I'm not one of them. In fact, I probably fall squarely into the "somewhat wimpy" category, if we're going to measure tolerance for no days off. So naturally, I've been planning  tomorrow for a few days now. I'm craving...

1. A morning of sleep. I'ma sleep in until whenever my body wants. I'm not setting an alarm, and if I wake up and feel like going back to sleep, I'm going to do just that.

2. Some YouTube. Yeah, I'm subscribed to kind of a lot of people. It's dorky...and I love it. I need to catch up on some of my faves.

3. Probably an entire novel. Is The Fountainhead too ambitious?

4. Netflix. There are a few documentaries on my list, and a few TV series that I might try out.

5. Puppy? I might walk my mom's dog if the sun comes out for a bit and I actually decide to get dressed. This one's a little iffy, and very much depends on my laziness factor.

6. Hubby time. When hubby gets home tomorrow night I'll be chillin' with him. It feels like it's been forever since we've had a significant amount of time together.

7. Resist the urge to "catch up." I'm not going to go grocery shopping, vacuum, mop, do laundry, clean the bathroom or work on writing projects, even though some of these things very desperately need doing. This is so not me, but honestly I don't care if the apartment is a mess and we're out of milk and bread. I really don't.

No joke, my mouth is watering a little bit thinking about tomorrow (weird, I know). I'm super excited for some real time off to do whatever the heck I want. One more shift of human services job tonight and I'm home free!

Oh, and I'm glad to see Blogger.com survived the rapture/zombie apocalypse ;-) 

My secret fear of all things phone.

I can't sleep and I feel the need to create...so you're getting another blog post whether you like it or not!

Here's the deal. I'm super nervous right now. I have a phone interview tomorrow morning (8:00am, yikes) with a company that might let me write/edit/proofread their website and any other content that reaches the eyes of the public. Honestly, interviews don't freak me out that much...but a phone interview, well that's a whole other story.  There's something inherently awkward about the phone. We've all felt it--that dead silence with no body language or facial expressions to mediate, or when people on both ends start talking at the same time and just keep stumbling over one another's vocal ejaculations, until both finally regain footing about five minutes later. I know I'm going to be awkward at some point. I also have this weird fear that they're going to surprise me with several interviewers on a conference call. I've never been on a conference call before, but I can only imagine that the awkwardness gets upped a power for each additional person. And I have a killer introductory handshake. Damn it.

On the bright side, I just broke my thumbnail, like hardcore-past-the-fingertip-with-blood broke it...so they won't have to see the creation of this self-proclaimed band aid architect currently requiring three band aids to cover the tip of my thumb. That's good. They also won't have to know that my only blazer is really wrinkly and that my iron is covered in some kind of gunk that ruins clothes. Another plus.

Still, my fears outnumber the advantages. And all the internet has to offer me is stupid advice like "don't flush the toilet in the middle of your interview" and "get enough sleep the night before." Ha. Sleep is for the weak.

Anyway, I guess I just have to do my best and see what happens...and use lots of cheat sheets because they can't see them either ;-). I'll keep you posted.

Comments? Phone interview advice/stories? Have a great night!

The thoughts that leak out my ears

Hokay, it's really hard not to blog for the better part of a week...but I've been needing sleep. I feel like I've had to drag myself to bed and cram a stream of ideas back into my head via my ear before I lay down so they don't seep out and become un-bloggable later. Holy moly. Perhaps I should just write a mega post right now? Here goes--themes of the week. Feel free to skip ones that don't sound interesting to you. This post is a beast.

1. Nostalgia. With that whole moving and finding a new job thing looming somewhere on the not-so-defined horizon, I've been getting nostalgic and thoughtful about the jobs I have. Take retail job for example. My boss has been so good to me over the years. She's fun to work with/for, and it seems like she's always been there for me, hours in tow, whenever I've needed work. Looking back, there are months where I said something to the effect of "hang on tight because I don't have any plans but I want to work for you until I do/after my plans fall through" and she's gone with it. It makes me sad that this might actually be the last summer I work for her. Aaaand then take human services job. This one snuck up on me. The whole thing is pretty short term. I started working there in February and will move this summer sometime...I didn't really expect to get attached to the people I work with or anything like that--but I have. I've literally caught myself tearing up a tiny tiny bit a couple times this week (granted, I'm tired...) and have had to pull myself together and remember that I've still got a while left with them. I've learned a lot about myself through this job, too. When I left teaching I was worried that my whole "working with people" plan was now invalid...but I don't think that's the case. I've loved this job (most of the time ;-)) and can move on confident that serving and helping people who need it is something I enjoy and am capable of doing. Geez...I guess I'm going to miss the jigsaw puzzle of part-time schedules that is currently my career.

2. What is a job? All of this nostalgia has the philosophical gears a turnin' once again. Brace yourselves. I've been thinking about what a job should be. I mean we spend most of our waking hours there for the duration of adulthood...it has to be about more than making money, right? It seems silly to me that we would spend 8 waking hours at work, so we can enjoy the other few waking hours with the money we make. But what am I shooting for if it's about more than paying the bills? I mean, retail job is honestly something I do because I like my boss, I get some secret amusement out of the people who come into the store, and I feel invested in the business' well being after working there for a few years. Human services job is another story. I was thinking the other day that this is actually something I'd do for free every now and then because I like it (bosses, if you're reading this--don't get any ideas ;-)). This job is very different from my retail job. It's about meeting basic human needs for people who would otherwise live compromised lives. It's pretty awesome that I get to be a part of that. Aaand then there's the freelance writing career I'm trying to build up on the side. The main focus of that job is nurturing my creativity, sharpening my mind and improving my craft. It is, in a way, a pretty self-centered thing...but then again the whole reason I do it is to give others something to read. However, doing all my work online, I don't really see the people who appreciate my work. I might get an email or a few comments on an article...but that's about it. Pretty impersonal. So what the heck am I looking for?

3. Being a gal. Have you been keeping up with all the Schwarzenegger/ Strauss-Kahn stuff? Don't get me wrong--they're two very different things. One involves a possible sexual assault while the other does not. However, they have both helped spark an interesting train of thought for me this week. I've been interested in all the press, especially on those nasty gossip websites, surrounding the women involved. It seems to me that it's always the same. The men involved in sexual scandals get a big reaction, and rightfully so. The public is disappointed and their reputations are ruined, possibly forever. But then there's a quieter, yet substantial, buzz around the women involved. Who are they? What do they look like? I think the question we're really trying to answer is, what attracted him to her...even though attraction to another person is probably verrry low on the list of motivations for most of these men. Then I read this article in the NYT, and they seem to agree, albeit more elegantly. I guess I just get frustrated with the male-centered culture that I can't seem to get away from. Resisting the temptation to think to myself, "ooh who is this woman who was pursued by this high-profile, powerful man," is easier said than done. It frustrates me, however, that the internet isn't even trying to resist. **Insert connection to career issues here (I know, cut me some slack)**

I'll stop there for today, and I'll try to be a bit more regular with the bloggin' this weekend and into next week...hopefully I'll have a couple days off :-). As always, comment on any of the themes of the week below, share this with anyone who might like it, and have a great day!

Oh, for a bit more time...

So, I'm working like 20 days in a row right now without a day off. I'm not sure how it happened--all of a sudden retail job and human services job seem to reaaaally need my time. It's fine for now...I just hope it doesn't go on for too much longer. Honestly, I miss the hubby. 

But that's not even the hardest thing about it. I know that a lot of you readers are in the same boat. There's something else that you're striving for beyond your current job(s). Whether that means you need to spend loads of time applying to other jobs, need time to work on that "other thing," or maybe a little bit of both, it can be really frustrating to not find that time anywhere. 

Basically, I'm frustrated because this has been a week filled with some of my worst writing ever. I have some new writing gigs, which is great, but very little time to work on them. I count on having 2 days off every week typically so I can spend one writing and then have one for myself. Hubby says I should just start taking shots of espresso and smoking cigarettes. And hey, if espresso could proofread and cigarettes could create original, energized syntax...I just might. 

Writing takes a surprising amount of my energy if I'm going to do it well. I'll draft a piece and then spend kind of a long time self-editing. I'll leave a piece feeling like I just ran some sort of ultra-dorky marathon where imprecise diction means you have to start all over again. Lately, I haven't had time to go back to the starting line--and my clients have noticed. It's just kind of a bummer. 

I don't mean for this to sound whiney--I just think it's something that a lot of us go through. You have certain obligations to your job(s) that unfortunately affect other parts of your life, sometimes negatively. 

But this makes me feel better:

Have a great day--and comment down there if you want :-)

Statistically, you're probably a money worshipper

Oh. My. Goodness. I know. I've been a really bad blogger. However, I have tons of awesome excuses (it was hubby's finals week so he needed the laptop, I'm doing more paid writing, I've got a 7-day workweek this week, yadda, yadda, yadda). 


Whadya say we put all that behind us and blog where we left off. Here goes.

Last time I checked, the majority of Americans said they were some kind of Christian. An even greater majority says that they believe in some sort of god. However, I guess there's a new religion out there...one that maybe we didn't even know we had...

This morning, I read a pretty cool article in the New York Times about our attitudes toward money here in the US of A. It's based on a recent academic study trying to find a way to categorize people's various pathological relationships with money. Think you're doing okay? Turns out, if money creates any kind of anxiety in your life, you probably fall into one of their pathological categories. I think that might just include all of us...

If you want to read the whole article, I linked it above. I'm going to focus on the one part of the study that I think relates most to this blog. As you know if you've read pretty much any of my posts, I have a lot of friends who are somehow discontent in their current jobs. They're people who maybe still don't know what they want to be when they grow up, "fell into" a job that's not as satisfying as they'd hoped, or know what they want but can't seem to get there. I fall into some mix of those categories as well. Although this group of younger workers is discontent for a variety of different reasons...there seems to be one thing we're all discontentabout. I'll give you one guess. 

Yeah, it's money. I have friends living at home because they're not comfortable moving out on what they make. I have friends collecting partial unemployment because of their low-paying jobs. I know people dabbling in food stamps every so often, or just living on a really small grocery list. It's often not the actual pay that's necessarily horrible (although sometimes it is), but the student loan payments, high car insurance (that 18-24 age bracket...), and sometimes even that data plan that's responsible for daily tweets in the double digits...

Regardless of the reason, I have heard each of these people (including myself) say something like "If I had more money I'd be less stressed and happier." Turns out, belief in that very phrase is a sign of a pathology psychologists are starting to call money worship. And it afflicts the majority of Americans, according to the study linked above. Psychologists are even starting to see other signs of unhealthy behavior within this money worship attitude. We're doing all kinds of unhealthy psychological things, like displacement ("If it weren't for the greed on Wall Street I'd be wealthier and happier.") and denial ("I don't have a money problem, I'm simply feeling the stress of a recession."). Money worship affects more young people than old, more white than non-white, and the same number of males and females. 

Well geez, is it really so bad to want a higher paying job? Most of the people I know just feel like they do more work than they're compensated for. Psychologists agree that it's not so much wanting more money that's the issue--it's believing that you will be happier because you make more money. Actually, there's a relatively high occurance of depression among the wealthy (and lottery winners).  Just some food for thought. 

Anyway, I hope you have a great Friday! As always, comment below if you so desire, and share this link with your friends!

Oh, and if you want some more, I also wrote this: You're Dead? Great! Let Me Steal Your Tax Refund