Okay, so I think it's time for a little background. I have vaguely referenced this 'previous job' of mine that I left for my jigsaw puzzle of part-time experiences these past few months. Let me elaborate a little bit.
I had a fantastic college experience studying Adolescence Education and English. I adored my first student teaching placement, enjoyed my second (although the initial excitement was gone), and began a job search with full confidence that teaching was IT. You can imagine how thrilled I was to get a job teaching 9th grade English and a couple of electives in August of the summer after my graduation.
Then this happened...
First 3 weeks: For this time I was kind of in shock. I couldn't believe I was actually doing it! I was starting my career! Other staff were extremely supportive and the students were so much fun to get to know. And there were no disasters. Phew.
Week 4: This was the first week I cried everyday. I would cry a little bit before school and a little bit more when I got home. I felt overwhelmed, but not in that I'm-so-stressed-out-right-now kind of way, it was more of a this-is-surprisingly-unfulfilling kind of way.
Week 5: I think this was when I actually started talking about my feelings to my husband. I confessed that the tears were more than stress. I told him how hard it was getting to put so much time and energy into something that didn't fulfill me, or even feel like the right career for me. My exhaustion was beginning to cut deep.
The month of November: I started to talk to other people about my feelings. One particular conversation stands out when the hubby and I traveled to a friend's wedding and stopped to visit one of my best friends on our way home. I remember I was SO excited to see her, but I couldn't keep a smile on my face. I spent the entire afternoon in tears. She was shocked. Our conversation was the first time someone had told me that if I was that dissatisfied and upset all the time, that maybe exploring resignation wasn't a bad idea. I told my staff mentor about my feelings before Thanksgiving break.
December 1st-ish: I finally resolved to resign. The most natural time to leave seemed to be after Christmas break, so I put in my resignation on 12/1, effective 12/31, giving 30 days notice. This sounds dramatic, but it felt like chains had been lifted off of my body. I felt so empowered and almost even happy for the first time in three months.
My last few weeks: I told the board of education, my students, family and friends who I hadn't already talked to, parents of students, etc...about my decision. I think this was the hardest part. You wouldn't believe the judgment that many people felt entitled to, but you also wouldn't believe the amount of support and understanding I got from so many others. All of my friends were especially fantastic when they heard the news. However, there were many people less close to me who didn't understand why I chose to leave half way through the year, others who spread rumors that I was pregnant, and still others who were convinced I got a better job offer elsewhere and was moving. Wowsers.
That said, let me elaborate on what this post claims to be about: how to decide when to leave a job you hate. I think this boundary is going to be different for everybody. I had countless people advise me to "give it a year" when I decided to resign. However, I knew that the results of "giving it a year" would be increased dissatisfaction with a job that demanded 12 hours of my day, progressively crappier lessons for my students, and possible depression on my part. Let me elaborate once again....
Job Dissatisfaction
For me, job dissatisfaction didn't mean that I simply didn't like going to work. It didn't mean that my school district was difficult to work in or that I didn't like my students and coworkers (the opposite of that was true--I loved the people I worked with!). The job dissatisfaction I'm talking about wasn't something that wouldn't be present under different circumstances. It came from me and my inability to find real fulfillment in teaching. It's a dark type of dissatisfaction that's hard to shake--especially in a job that requires as much "off the clock" work as teaching does.
Crappier Lessons
Geez is it hard to find motivation and energy to create well-researched, creative and interesting curriculum when the end result is always a deficit of energy and time in exchange for no personal fulfillment. 'Nuff said.
Health Stuff
All of that energy-sapping dissatisfaction was making me sick in a lot of ways! In my short four months of teaching, I think I used close to 10 sick days for odd ailments. I would wake up feeling nauseated from stress and actually...well...do what people do to not feel nauseous anymore. I would experience weird blood pressure changes and dizziness. I would be teary at random times of day for no identifiable reason. I went to the doctor twice and both times he attributed my symptoms to stress. I would agree with that, and would also go so far to say that it was the beginnings of depression. I've had maybe two bouts of depression in my lifetime, which is pretty lucky because it runs in my immediate and extended family, and recognized the early symptoms. About a week after my last day I felt remarkably better physically and psychologically. Go figure :-)
For me, leaving my teaching job became necessary when I felt I could no longer do the job with sincere joy and the appropriate amount of effort, when it became clear that I did not want the job to turn into a career, and when the job began to effect my personal life and personal health.
Inside my own head it was a simple decision. There was no question that I wanted to leave my job. However, I have dealt with some guilt and frustration due to the reactions of others. ...And then there's that whole problem of being at square one with the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question. Hmmm.
On the other hand, I had a great time at my new part-time job today for the third day in a row. Maybe I'm on to something...
Hey You! You made it this far...you might as well comment :-) and don't forget to share with a potentially-interested friend!
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